My Father-in-Law

My father-in-law’s health is failing. Paul suffers from diabetes and Alzheimer’s. Last August he spent three months in a VA Hospital after undergoing several surgeries which ultimately resulted in the amputation of his left leg just below the knee. He has limited awareness of things around him and most of the time he sits quietly staring at the TV.

My wife Nancy and I will celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary this June.  We were together for almost five years before tying the knot, so if my math is correct I have known Paul for some 27-years. That’s a long time and over those years I have learned quite a bit from him. When Nancy and I were looking for a house and were frustrated by what was or was not available, he called and said, “Lets build a house.” I immediately felt an overwhelming sense of fear and panic. I could barely hit the head of a nail with a hammer. He, on the other hand was a master carpenter. I reluctantly said “OK.” A week later Paul called me and asked me to come to his house. He sat in his chair with a ruler, a legal pad, pencil and calculator. He ripped off a sheet of paper and said, “Take this to the lumber yard and have them deliver it.” I asked what it was and he replied, “It’s everything we’re going to need to build your house.” My feeling of being overwhelmed tripled as I thought, “How could everything I need to build a house be contained on one sheet of paper?” He told me to place the order and everything would be OK. We’ve been in that same house since October 2000 and he was right. It was everything and it was OK.

We each took a two-week vacation from our jobs and in that time we framed the entire house. When I sit outside I still think about that process, not believing it and still in  relative amazement over the outcome. I recall Paul walking on the floor  joists like an expert tightrope walker performing unbelievable feats as they walk on a thin cable stretched between two buildings high above the ground. I knew when I was with him I would learn something if I just kept an open mind. In so many ways he reminded me of my grandfather who left us several years earlier and much too soon.

I have struggled to visit him consistently with my wife since he has been at the Northgate nursing home.  I have used excuses like “I’m really busy building a business” but in reality I still have strong thoughts of my grandmother, Stella, who passed away at the same nursing home almost two years earlier. Stella was the center of my life as I know Nancy’s father Paul is to her.

It is difficult to see him in his present condition. He was such a strong man in so many ways. He is lucky to have such strong family surrounding him when he needs them most. The family’s strength is in their desire to be by their father and to repay him for all he has given to them as their husband and father. This is a strength which is too often lacking in our society today. If I keep an open mind again I will come to realize spending time with Paul will help me keep the memory of Stella alive.

A picture of my wife with her father.

Hardworking hands